Lately, I’ve been wondering, what if one day, I woke up with the sunrays kissing my face, and not feeling anything at all? What if one day, I can’t feel love anymore? What if one day, I am not inlove anymore? What if one day, I don’t love him anymore?
The worst feeling I’ve experience is the feeling of not loved and not loving anymore. It feels like I am empty inside and out. I am just living for a living. I am just doing things because I need so, not because of doing so out of love. I am afraid of that feeling would come back and I could feel the emptiness once again. An empty heart leads me to an empty life; that no matter how people exerted effort just to make me feel loved, I still feel unloved.
These past few days, I felt like I am an empty glass who needs to be filled with wine serving as the grace of the Lord. I was lost, once again. And I am tired of feeling this way. With my life style of dating every other day, empowering others to love and ensuring others that they are loved, I think I need myself right now. I need to do those things for myself, I need myself to remember how to love again, how to feel loved and how to bring me back to track, to the addiction of loving.
There comes a point when I ask myself, “You were always asking somebody to love and love you, but who are you going to love?”
I don’t know. I tried asking for dates for people; I tried asking for time for people; I tried begging for ones-to-ones; unknowingly there is the One who always wait for me to come back.
I was finding love in the wrong place.
I forgot, I am in a relationship.
I forgot and I was lost out of fear of not being loved.
“How can I not be loved if there is the One who sacrificed His life for me?”
Love must be mutual.
As much love as God has for us, He wants us to love Him with all our heart, mind, soul and strength. Our relationship with Him cannot stand on His love alone. We have to love Him in return. This is why He poured His love into our hearts by His Spirit so we can love Him and others like He loves us.
“And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Romans 5:5
We were so eager to find love in others, we were so afraid that we are not able to love, but it took courage to love, and knowledge to know that God has imparted love in our hearts through the Holy Spirit.
We feel lost because we are in a wrong way.
Our minds are being invaded with the wrong thoughts.
We tend to look love, not realizing we are in a one sided love. And all we have to do is to return the love we received to the one who never fails.
By His unfailing love, undeserved grace and unending favor to us, may we feel that the only love we have to feel in order to know that we are complete is the God’s love.
Love has to be mutual.
If God loved us so, then we have to love Him back.
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear…” 1 John 4:18
Our love must be greater than our fears. So many of us live with fear of being hurt or fear of hurting, so we avoid close and intimate relationships with anyone. But what if Jesus feared being hurt, disappointed or used? What if He feared hurting His disciples? If He operated in fear, we would not have such a great example to model.
Some of us have given up on experiencing unconditional love in a human being. We know Jesus loves us and will never leave us, but many can’t say that about people. Even if we’ve never experienced unconditional love from a human being, don’t let that stop us from being what we desire to see. Make a choice to receive God’s perspective on relationships. Choose to have an impact on those God has placed in your life.
Today, my only prayer for the Lord if to help me on being faithful to His love, to remind me of His love, to never question His love and to act and feel like I was loved by the most amazing Man. I praise and thank the Lord for giving me the grace of love.