LOOK. STAY. SHARE.
I don’t know if my friends would know that I’m not okay, when in fact, I am really not.
It took weeks for me to blog about this one because I have to process it in my heart and mind.
Yes, I was over with our Mission Volunteer phase 1 training. But before my interview, I was really finding and seeking for clear answers from the Lord.
After months of discerning, I still can’t get what God’s answers to me, what He wants me to do.
While waiting for my turn, I pray harder, it was 8:00 and I still haven’t eaten my dinner, but instead of feeding my hungry stomach, I was led to Fullybooked forbunknown reasons.
Then for a moment, I knew the reason. Of all the books in the Biblical session, this book was the only one open for reading, all about DISCERNMENT.
When I read it, I think I saw myself in the character.
His story was abiut being a missionary, he discerned, and he believed God put him to the mission for the poor, but after months, he knew he was not called there. He’s a rich one, he didn’t found comfort in the poor place, he can’t stand not having a hot shower, soft bed, delicious food, he can’t, despite of the joy in mission.
For all he know, he was not called to be there, the joy wasn’t there, so he went home for a short break, and as he pray in the chapel, a girl approached him, and invited him for a mission for the disabled. By that moment, he found joy, he stayed, and shared what God has imparted in him.
The moment I was reading it, I saw a clear message from him, that I believed, God wants me to do in my situation.
LOOK. STAY. SHARE.
I am lost, with the religion I have. I am not a pure Catholic, but I am entering a Catholic mission, which is a total misleading. With my 7 years of serving our community, I didn’t embrace all of it. I was raised as an Aglipayan and believed in Christian beliefs because of my elementary school.
I was reminded by that story, I shouldn’t force myself when I am not really called there, but I should try because maybe, my heart was there.
LOOK for yourself; STAY with the Lord; and SHARE it to others.
I won’t be selfish, but right now, I felt like I don’t belong in this community. To the fact that no one ever asked me “Kamusta ka na?” And no one ever said, “Miss ka na namin, Ara”.
Looking for myself and standing up for my belief is what I wanted now.
And I am blogging this though no one cares because exactly, no one cares, tgis is the only output I could have.