I am a woman with dreams, hmm. No, let me rephrase it with: I am a woman with many dreams!
All of us dreamt of finishing college, going to the city, save money, live independent, marry the one you love, have a family, be happy and have a simple life. And all of us knows the reality that IT IS NOT THAT EASY AS WE THOUGHT.
When I finished college, I was like, “Finally! I can have my own life! Yes! Thank you Lord! I can move out to the city, I can buy and do whatever I want, I can go wherever I want, I want to travel more often!” But the reality hits me.
I applied for jobs, been rejected, been hired, but at the end, when I was about to move to BGC, I knew, my family needs me. I can’t move out.
So I decided to go back to Cavite, salary was fine. I can provide myself anything I need and want. For my first salary, I was able to buy my camera. I was able to have my savings fund, while still eating everywhere I want.
Until one tragic moment when I received the news that our business is about to close. Down. And my parents didn’t have any savings at all.
Obligations, responsibilities, here they are now. Welcoming me with a warm embrace when my mother said, “Ara, ikaw nang bahala sa kapatid mo. Ikaw na magpaaral”
I am happy, yes. One of my dream is to help my brother in his studies until he graduate. But this dream, I really didn’t thought that it will be this hard.
I never really imagined that I can be this selfless for my family. One of my goal is to take my masteral degree, can you realize how hurt am I when I was about to enroll, but then my brother needs money for his thesis, and I can’t say no. I gave it to him. On the second semester, again, I tried to enroll on my masteral degree. But my mother was sick, I told her to go to the doctor and have a check up, she answered me with “Next time na, kapag may pera na ako”, so there it is again. I gave her money, and didn’t continue my masteral enrollment again. I get it, I can’t continue my masteral degree while I am obliged for my brother. SO all I am asking is to open an account, another savings account for me. Yesterday, I scheduled myself to go to the bank the next day, but then, my little brother asked if I had money because it is his defense already, and he needs to pay for the panelists. So instead of opening my account, I gave him the money.
FOr those who now me, YES, I may not be the one who has financial problem in your eyes, but deep inside, I have.
But here goes the blessing, how come I was able to provide my brother education, provide my mother’s need and still go to conferences, still travel?
I, too, can’t believe it. I don’t know how it happened, but one thing is for sure, IT IS THE LORD!
There are times when I cry out to the Lord, questioning Him, He just let me receive the blessings to share it to others. Can’t I have a blessing of my own? Something I can freely receive, and not obliged to give it to others.
To you who read this with no obligation than yourself, be grateful! Plan for your future. You can have all you wanted in life. Never waste it.
To you who has obligations to others, I salute you! These obligations can determine how selfless can we be. We can now understand the Filipino sayings : Isusubo mo na lang, ibibigay mo pa sa iba.
But makes me wonder, if I can be this selfless for my family, what more when I am given with my own family?
As I reflect, I remember praying to the Lord for a selfless heart, so I can go on thru my service, but the Lord made me selfless my serving my family.
I am not here to rant how much I am spending for them, nor to say that I quit with these obligations, I am here to honor all of those selfless heart out there, loving and taking the obligations bravely enough. I honor you!